Quote Unquote

These are some of the funniest lines I have heard.

” Accounting System is not about your convenience. Illa Saar. Receivable report is not a part of our accounts package.”

Quote by a Software developer- the product of many diploma institutes in India that create a software developer in 6 months. When asked about the receivable report.

” I am doing MBA….. from Connaught Place”

Quote by an MBA student who thought a Study center located in Connaught place (In Delhi,India) is more impressive than the university name.

” Our ENGINEER has checked all the systems and cabling. Maybe there is a virus in your network switch”

Quote by a Service provider who sent a highly qualified Engineer (as qualified as himself) to check the source of high network traffic.

” Citrix server was such a waste of money. I would do it using PC anywhere”

Quote by a network administrator on multiple users accessing a single PC.

” I am speak very good English, but my family is thinking – he need it. But I am knowing I no need to learn”

Quote by a Field Executive I met in India.

Patriotism is a Child of Divisions

“What should we do if someone attacks our country ?”

This was the question asked to one of the many homegrown Gurus who has become very popular in recent times. The Gurus response was – To defend yourself.

Wonder what would Osho answer ? I have tried to compile an answer that I think Osho would have given.

Osho’s Answer

Your Country ? First drop the idea of country being yours.

What is a country – I have drawn a boundry and whatever is inside that boundry is my country. And I must defend it. And I must be proud of it. That’s partriotism.

Tomorrow the politicians draw another line cutting your country into two, then you change sides and immediately become loyal to the side you are living on. And more surprisingly you become enemies with the other side. Because they are on the other side of the line. They could have been your countrymen at a time, but now they are enemies.

What kind of a crazy world is this you have created.

And you ask me…. what should I do when someone attacks my country.

It’s easy for me to say defend yourself. And you will agree, probably that’s the answer you are expecting too. It will nicely fit into the moral code the society has imposed on you – Patriotism is good, be proud of your country and all that you have been fed.

Change the way you look at things. Don’t restrict your patriotism to your country alone, extend it. What if there is no country. What if there is no division, what if there are no boundaries.

We have created too many boundries and we have been living for too long in these boundaries. The more boundries you make, the more security you need to defend those and obviously there will be more blood shed. because people on the other side are as patriot as you are. They want to take over your side…. and you want to take over theirs….

And this is not the only boundary you have created -There are Proud Indians, and there are Proud Aussies. And both of them say we live in the greatest country… how can this be. It creates a conflict.

Or why do you go as far as Australia. There are proud Delhiite who don’t think very big of Biharis. And then Biharis have their divisions too…….divisions everywhere.

These divisions have created a sense of artificial security and superiority. And you can only be superior if there is someone inferior, this causes all the conflicts.

Your patriotism is just a fancy name for hatred. If you want anything dirty to get done, you give it a noble name and people don’t feel guilty. That’s what your society has done to you.

This is high time we drop all the boundaries. That’s the only solution.

Humor : Communication Skills

Today People of all kinds are yapping about communication. Management rookies incessantly debate the best ways of improving it, management gurus making all sort of pseudo intelligent theories they can cook with complex words and colorful charts.

Any fresh management rookie out of college will tell you the reason people don’t communicate is because of lack of skill, time or willingness. My theory is that miscommunication is a part of our destiny. It’s hard wired into our brains. Expecting a person to communicate is like beating a dead cow – you will get tired and the cow won’t feel a thing. Or something of that sort………

You can hold your applaud till I prove my theory. After that you can kneel and call me a genius.

Consider this – People are broadly classifieds in 2 categories. As Someone Important (SI) or not very important( NVI). Excuse me for not including the other categories like AHs (I bet you know the acronym), sweet AH, AH AH, Top AH, Wortless AH, Soaring AH….

Now imagine you have an urge to communicate to someone. Your brain quickly categorizes the person as either someone important or not very important.

If the person is not very important- You don’t want to waste your time communicating to the worthless maggot, do you ? No sense in writing more than 2 lines in my blog about such a worthless fellow. Full stop.

You would ask what if I get this urge to communicate to an important person ? I ask you Why would you do that ? If he is really more important than you, then he must have received this information before you. If he didn’t, it would imply that he is not very important. Read the paragraph above on why you shouldn’t waste your time on him.

So no matter how hard you try, you will end up classifying people and keep from communicating. Point proved.

Scammers Lurk on Dubai Streets

A list of Scams I have come across on Dubai’s streets.  Some are so common that I am sure people don’t fall prey to them. Others may not be heard of.

1. Italian fellow giving away Branded apparel for cheap.

When I was pulling out of packing lot ( Near Jumbo , Shoemart Bur Dubai) ,a European fellow approached me and asked me the way to the airport. We Got talking and he said that he was in Dubai for a fashion Show and doesn’t want to carry all the excellent branded stuff he had back to Milan. Offered what I suspect were fake branded Glasses and Suits.

2. Arab Selling Rado watch.

This happened in the Parking lot again in Bur Dubai near Palm beach hotel. An Arab approached me saying that he was from Saudi and he had spent all his money ( on things I can’t write about- let’s call it the attraction of Dubai). Offered his Original Rado ( which must have been an imitation ) for AED 250. I told him I had only AED 100. Surprisingly he agreed to take what I had.

Well, I fell for this one. It ran good for a year, though I never wore it.

3. People Pretending to be stranded in Dubai.

They meet you on the street, tell you that they have lost their job, and not eaten for 2 days. Ask for Money.
Another variant is 2 guys in a car with tinted rear windows. They tell you they are from Oman or Saudi, lost their wallet and don’t have even the petrol to go back. They say there are kids in the car ( you can’t see because it’s tinted) and they have not eaten anything the whole day

Have you come across anything of this sort in Dubai ?

Communication SKills

This time in India, I interacted with several management students on many occasions. I also had a few meetings with the faculty and I was surprised on how much they stress on Communication skills now a days.

Unfortunately, everyone I met held the opinion and communication skills is the ability to express oneself clearly. Mostly they meant clear accent, articulation, fluency and eloquence. Off course it’s important to be able to communicate clearly, but I think the willingness to communicate and recognizing the need to communicate is more important.

Let me elaborate.

Case 1 :

Sheila thinks she has excellent communication skills. She can speak clearly, eloquently and is good at explaining complex things also very easily. When her boss asked her to fix a meeting with a potential client, she immediately got an appointment. However she failed to inform the boss about the time and venue.

What good is her communication ? She is eloquent, has the ability to explain but does she have communication skills ?

Case 2 :

Asok in accounts is asked to transfer the funds to an overseas supplier so that the raw material for production can be released. Asok confirs that the transfer can be done the same day. Later he gets to know that the earliest the bank can transfer is the next day. With no other option , he transfers but fails to inform the production manager of the delay.

Can he be said to possess communication skills ?

Case 3 :

I interviewed an MBA graduate for a job and he kept insisting that he had excellent communication skills – it was there on his CV, and it he stated it a few times during the interview. When I asked him, what he meant by good communication skills he replied – ” Sir, I can communicate very well in English”

I appointed him and agreed upon a date on which he would join. He did not turn up on the first day of the job on the pretext of an emergency- And didn’t inform that he was not coming also.

Would you say, he has communication skills because he can communicate but doesn’t ?

Conclusion

I think the management students must understand that the communication skills are a lot more than simply the ability to communicate clearly. You have to have the willingness to communicate, without this all the eloquence in the world is worthless.